Tuesday, April 01, 2014

IT'S ALL ABOUT THE PROCESS


So I stepped on the scale this morning - the numbers staring back at me did not surprise me, I had suspected them - nonetheless I was temped to panic. My scale read 90.7kg , not my highest weight ever but definitely up there.

For those who followed my juice fast and saw that I lost a whole pile of weight and are wondering how much of that I've put back -  yup, I've gained it all back and then a 2.5 more. Am I disappointed? Yes, but not at the juicing - it did what it was supposed to do - reset my body, and then it was up to me to continue on my health journey.

I have been real with you since the very beginning and shared with you that getting off my juice fast was hard, and it's been a tough journey ever since. Truth is, I have weight and body issues, but more important I have self-worth and confidence issues - I have been confronted with this truth over the past couple of months.

I am realizing that I have no problem with loosing the weight, and even less of a problem with putting it back on. Diets have been a part of my life since my early teens, diet pills, starving myself, purging... I've done it all.

Juicing was the very first thing I've ever done for myself that wasn't all about loosing weight and was more about really wanting to start to care for myself and my health. Being plant based for a year now has been also part of the plan to be healthy and was never done out of ethical motives, and while that may sound selfish, I think it is important to love one selves as much as we love animals.

Being plant based however has not been all healthy - I have eaten so many fries because at times they were the only things on the menu that I could eat - this has made me unhappy. At some point it started being about what I couldn't eat and not abut what I could.  There's got to be a better way and I am asking God to give me the wisdom needed to figure things out, one step at a time.

Today is April first and this is the last month of my 26th year - I want to take this month to take back control of my health, body, and spirit. I am starting it with 10 days of reboot, a gym membership, and some serious support. Most importantly I am asking God to help me to see my worth and heal much of the devastation that has occurred in my heart, soul and spirit as a result of much hurt and harm. Also for the first time ever I am open to seeing someone to talk to about my past - this is a pretty big deal.

I know that arriving to a healthy place for my heart, soul, and body won't be a quick fix, that it will take time, and that it may be hard, but I have no choice but to trust the process and my heavenly Father's promise that he who started His good work in my will finish it!

Anyhow, that's all for now - I've spilled my guts quite a bit, but I wanted to share this with you - it's a journey, and journeys are always better when shred with others!

I will try to keep you updated, until then, Glow!

Love,
Lorena

"Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings." Isaiah 58:12

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