Friday, May 10, 2013


I have to admit, this is a post I've dreaded writing and have made every excuse possible to delay doing so. There is something about putting yourself out there that is both thrilling and terrifying all at once. People cheer when you succeed and judge when you stumble - that is life, and I guess I must learn to deal with it...

But enough with the melodrama - I am here to give you the real, raw realities of my life after a pretty awesome 60 day juice and water fast.

Exactly two Thursdays ago I broke my fast with a delicious papaya & pineapple smoothie while wearing one of my favorite summer dresses, and all was well in my world. I anticipated the gradual reintegration of yummy solid foods and couldn't wait to prepare both raw and cooked recipes. I had received a great deal of positive feedback from friends & family and my health felt at it's best - it was wonderful!

Bloating, water retention, constipation, abdominal pains, headaches, and problem skin all seemed a thing of the past. I was resolute to continue of this healthy lifestyle and to never again fall prey to food addictions and all the nasty things that come with them. I was on a mission, to change myself, love my body  and inspire others to do the same!

... and then Friday came (yes the very next day) ... It started out well enough, that is until I was outside my home and in an environment of yummy foods and comfortable company. All of a sudden a wide array of yummy food was before me and I went for it... The food in itself was all healthy and met my food restrictions but the shock of putting cooked, fats, and mixing all that with fruit so soon after my fast made sick. My tummy became bloated and rock hard. Strong stabbing pains had me bending over, and I went to bed that night in a lot of pain and discomfort.

You'd think I had learned my lesson, but my palette had just become awakened again after a 60 day hibernation and it was demanding satisfaction...and so the next day I ate anything salty that fit my food restrictions. This marked the beginning of a 10 day period characterized by the out of control indulging of foods followed by serious physical and emotional pain. A dark cloud of pain, confusion and disappointment had just rolled in...

At some point I felt that I had lost control and that everything I had worked for during those 60 days was now all a waste. I couldn't understand how it was possible to go from feeling so healthy, in tune and control of my body to feeling so sick and at the mercy of food. I was disappointed, ashamed and feeling really depressed - while the physical pain was very real, the emotional pain of feeling like a failure was even stronger.

This past Sunday while sharing my heart with one of my best friends, I realized that I needed to stop listening to the mean voice in my head that was telling me what a failure I was. I needed to remember that while I was having a really rough transitioning time, that didn't take away from the huge achievement of doing a 60 day juice fast.

Most importantly however, I needed to remember that I needed to be kind and patient and give myself some time and room to make mistakes. I had put so much pressure on myself to be perfect and somehow have this perfect transition, that it ended up totally backfiring on me!

You see, I am just an ordinary girl who is trying to figure out how to survive brutal cramps, food intolerances, cluster migraines, and intestinal issues. I am no expert, nor am I super woman. Yes I have put a lot of time, effort and research into this new lifestyle, but I by no means have it all together! I am a work in progress and while I may fall sometimes and really let myself down, I refuse to stay down there!

This week has been a time of sorting things out - also the first time since breaking my fast that I was able to be home for at least two days back to back. I am trying to be very intentional about monitoring what I eat, how and why I eat it and how I feel afterwards. I've been practicing intuitive eating and trying to reconnect with my body and listen for it's signals of hunger and fullness. It's been a rough week, but I feel hopeful that I'll be able to move past this rough period of transition.

I'm realizing that the life changes I've made since my juice fast are not as easy as I thought they would be, but I am still determined more than ever to learn to care for my body, no matter how long it takes. Worthwhile things are rarely easy, but then again who ever said life had to be easy?! The road I am taking is definitely a road less traveled, yet I can't help but feel that I am headed in the right direction. It may take me a little but longer to get there but I don't mind (too much.)

I realize I've written a small essay, and truth is I have much more to share, which is why I'll be staring a series of post titled "My life after a 60 day juice fast." I want to share with you my journey both in the good days and the bad days. I want to tell you where I struggled so that anyone going through this knows they are not alone. I realized as I searched through the web that very few people share their transitions out of a juice fast, and boy, am I ever starting to realize why!

I apologize for having taken so long to share with you updates since breaking my fast, but honestly I felt too defeated and lousy to do so until now. I will do my best to post more often! Thank you so much for walking this crazy journey with me, you are wonderful!

I want to close with this verse:

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

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