Thursday, July 05, 2012

Looking for Love in all the Wrong Places: My Story

You are looking at someone who has looked for love, affection and attention in ALL the wrong places. My quest for love has taken me to some pretty ugly places such as: abusive relationships, destructive “friendships” and dangerous associations. Along the way I picked up many addictions and destructive habits to numb the pain, but it all still accumulated by the ton. At various times in my life I'd come to the conclusion that this is not what I’d signed up for when I came to this earth, and although I didn't want to die, I saw absolutely no reason for living. I felt worthless, unlovable, and way beyond hope.

Ever since I can remember there had been pain in my life – I was constantly bullied, went through some pretty tough stuff during my childhood  years, and my family broke up and relocated. 

All these things put together made up for a pretty broken and lonely girl who was just about to become a teenager and who was desperate for love, attention or at least the feeling of being wanted. I had no self esteem and made many wrong choices during my high school and early college years – I lived a reckless life and put myself in situations that lead to a heap of hurt, basically I was just one big mess.

Shortly before I turned 22 I had just about had it – after yet another suicide attempt, I knew that if I was still stuck on this earth, there was a reason for it and that I could not live a single more second the way I was. I was full of self-pity and a prisoner of addictions, fears, pain and hate. I was broken and I could not fix myself so I asked God to help me – it felt so weird, because really, I though He must either not care about me, since He let all these bad things happen, or just hate me, after all I had done so many shameful things – still I asked Him for help. - This was a turning point in my life and although things didn't change instantly, I felt hope and knew that my life was about to take a turn for the better.

Fast forward almost three years and here I am – I love Jesus and I am thankful to be alive. I am learning that it is possible to let go of all the hurt, pain, anger, resentment, bitterness and hatred towards myself and those who hurt me and abandoned me – I am learning to let go of my past and stop letting it control my present and my future. I know He has good plans for me and enjoy the love He shows me through my friends, and family. I have come to know Him as my Father, my Comforter and my Healer. 

The Bible says that Jesus came to bring good news to the poor, to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, to open the prison of those who are bound & to comfort all who mourn. (Isaiah 61:1-2)

 I know there is still a lot of work that needs to be done in my life but that is okay, I take life day by day and trust that He who started  this good job in my life will finish it. I also now understand that all of the bad things that happened can help me relate to other hurt young women who are going or went through similar life experiences. What brings me the most joy is that I that I can look at them straight in the eye with a smile on my face and tell them that there is hope, healing, forgiveness and redemption in Jesus Christ.

So you see, I do know what it is like to look for love in ALL the wrong places but I also know what it is like to experience the true and perfect love that Jesus offers. I know that all it took was giving up control of my life, repenting of all the wrong things I had done, choosing to give Him my hurt and trusting that His love is bigger than my pain.

My hope is that my story will bring hope to anyone who has been hurt, abused, and feels trapped in a cage of anger, pain, unforgiveness, and despair. No matter what has happened to you, or what you have done, there is a God who loves you, and is waiting for you to come and let him heal and rebuild you.

Love,
Lorena




5 comments:

  1. Thank you for your vulnerability in sharing your story and God's redemption. May God continue to shine in and through you as you share what He has shared with you. Love you, Lorena(:

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  2. Your story has truly inspired me. Your blog is giving me hope during a difficult time. Thank you for sharing your testimony and the promise of Jesus Christ. I thank God for your openness and beautiful spirit. I hope you will continue to write more.

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    1. Thank you so much for reading! I pray that as you go through this hard time that you would feel our Abba's arms holding you tight. He says that He is close to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18) - and so I pray that you will feel Him close, closer than ever and as you rest in him , despair will give way to hope. Know I hold you in my prayers and heart

      -L

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  3. Your blog is wonderful. I too am desiring a set apart life. May the L-rd give you the desires of your heart in Jesus' name. Amen.

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    1. Natalie, that is wonderful! I am really happy to hear that! A set-apart life is not something that our culture encourages very much and so it is refreshing to hear that other young women want to live life that way!

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